I made a decision this week.

In the past I've come up with some great ideas that didn't feel like such great ideas anymore when I woke up the next morning, but the more I thought about this particular decision during the days following it, the more right it felt. Now there's no turning back.

I just want to be there for you when you need me. And to have you close to me when I need you.

I try not to consider this a selfish move, although I know there are people here who need me, too. Everyone has to move on at some point.

Right now I'm sorry that I can't be there to help you pack and move out of your apartment, sorry that I'm unable to take care of you when you're lying unconscious in bed with a cold, but hopefully someday in the near future this situation will change for the better. Let's just pray that by some stroke of luck this plan works, and I won't have to feel sorry anymore.

Today I was crossing a large, busy intersection in downtown Taipei when one of my flip flops fell apart. Not the worst thing that could happen to someone, but of course my first reaction was to curse it for picking such a wonderful timing.

I was literally stuck in the middle of the street, and people were quickly walking past me in all directions. It was 11 o'clock in the evening. I scurried awkwardly to the safety of the sidewalk before the light turned red. Then I considered buying a dirt cheap pair of shoes from a roadside vendor but none could be seen in the vicinity. I considered taking a cab home. I considered calling my brother and making him come meet me at the bus stop with a pair of shoes. I considered temporarily fixing my broken flip flop by limping to the nearest convenience store and buying string or tape to bind the remaining bottom of the flip flop to my foot, hoping it would stay attached to my foot long enough for me to get home.

In the end I decided to walk home barefoot. The weather was warm and thank god it wasn't raining. My house is about one hour away from where my flip flops flopped, and to get home I had to take two different buses and walk about ten minutes from the final bus stop. I managed to get home without stepping on anything disgusting or dangerous.

This whole incident just proved that the streets of Taipei are clean and safe enough to walk barefoot in, heh. If you want to try it out, be my guest. I need to go get me a new pair of flip flops (perhaps one of better quality this time).

最近好多大學的朋友傳出結婚的消息，讓我感到很不可思議。大學時大家青澀的模樣還歷歷在目，怎麼一轉眼都還沒畢業幾年，就一個一個結婚了呢？有個朋友今天就在紐約結婚，男友還搭來回十個小時的車，專程去參加。我的心情很複雜。

好吧，也許是我自己太大驚小怪了，大家也都二十幾歲了，假如遇到了對的人，沒什麼理由硬是拖著不結婚吧。也許我心中帶有一絲嫉妒，想到自己脫離單身狀態已經一年了，卻仍總是一個人過日子，我忍不住嫉妒他們的幸福。

我知道孤單的路還很漫長。
也許有的人就是注定一直等一直等，等到人老珠黃了，才摸得到幸福吧。

二十幾歲這段青春的歲月都耗費在等待上，值得嗎？


*

凌晨三點，你在Penn Station的月台上等你的火車
電話裡你突然問我：「如果我跟妳求婚，妳會答應嗎？」
我的直覺反應就是你一定是婚禮上喝太多醉了... 唉

沒事幹嘛講這種話擾亂我的心情啊？煩耶....

等你認真問我的那一天，我再來認真回答你。

I've been dying to get out of here, escape this everyday life that I am currently trapped in. It's been a long time since I last went on a real vacation (Hawaii was more than four years ago... long enough!), and I just can't stop bugging my boyfriend to take me away to a place where I can breathe.

I want to go north. Maybe Alaska. I want to see the northern lights.

If that's not possible in the short term, I guess I can settle for a long road trip from southern California to Washington State. I want to see the Pacific Ocean from its other shore. I would drive on to Vancouver once I hit the US border, except that means I'll have to spend more money on a Canadian visa, so we'll see about that.


I just need the courage to drop everything here and go.